I've opened up with you guys many times before but not to the extent that I am going to tonight....or this morning. Haha.
The past two weeks have been a crazy roller coaster for me. I have gone through ups and downs to back up to back down to back up again. I know that this high place I am at now in life will eventually drop down to a low again and I am so scared for that to happen. Usually when I am low I get very depressed and just feel like doing absolutely nothing. Which brings me to another question.
"Is happiness a feeling or a choice?"
I have debated with many of my friends and even my family members over the years that I TRULY believe that you can choose to be happy or choose to be sad, upset, mad, etc. I feel this way because when I am going through struggles in my life and all of a sudden something really good happens to me I am happy again. It's amazing how one single situation can change a perspective for better or for worse.
I think the one thing that I need to work on is to find that happiness that I have had sooo many times before and channel it. I know too that a lot of the trials that have came into my life were at the times my walk with God had become almost non-existent.
Now, I am not going to sit here and preach about how you need to convert and the whole schpeel, but I do ask that you respect my beliefs and do not look down on me or judge me. I know everyone has different views, thoughts, religions, theories, and morals but I ask that you will respect mine just as I will respect yours.
Anyways, the time that I am unhappy the most is when I walk away from my God, put other worldly things in front of our relationship, and basically just say, "I can do this on my own." I then realize that I am walking away from someone that is soo powerful and has changed my life. It's when I go back and find that happiness that things start to look up for me.
I wish I could pour out my whole heart to you guys right now, but I know that I am not ready to do that, and I think if I did you would be reading for ages. What I want to know is where does your happiness come from and do you believe it's a feeling or a choice.
Until next time.
XOXO, CiCi <3